Today I feel small. I have felt this way many times before. Like that one time I called my cousin a bitch while I was out around the bay, and I was sent to my room for 15 minutes. One hour later, I cried out from the top of the steps "Can I come down now?" They had forgotten about me. For that hour, I felt like I was smaller than the rest of the world; so small I could be forgotten about, by a house filled with people.
So I have asked people before and I seem to be the only person who gets like this. I feel like I am in a room by my self. I feel unappreciated. I feel lost in my own thoughts.
I don't feel 'emo' or anything like that, but its how I feel when I am not the excitable and loud person that I am known for. Its how I feel when I don't want to say a word because I just don't want to be heard, or feel like I can't be heard.
I am not a person who has their feelings hurt easily. I used too, but I've grown stronger. It takes more than a couple of nails to break me down. As time goes on, it would be nice for certain people to consider that although I don't care if someone goes out to a movie without me (or anything for that matter) after a while, I do feel like I am too small to remember, by a group of people. Too small to be remembered every time.
To whine isn't my style. In my defense, I don't feel as if this has been a post filled with whine (or cheese for that matter) but more of definition of myself.
I am 162cm tall, but why do sometimes I feel so small?
I remember you, Mary Anne. I mean Coralie.
ReplyDeleteHi Coralie. Can't say I often feel unappreciated, but I do feel alone... a lot. Even though I have many great people in my life, I just feel very separate quite often. Not sure if that helps.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure your friends and family appreciate you more than you realize (I think I'm more of an acquaintance at this point, so I'm sure you understand why I don't take the liberty of counting myself among them)it's just one of those things where people don't tell the people close to them how much they mean, because it's awkward and all of that.
Anyway I always remember you for fun times in New York (like how you always were worried I'd fallen behind the group lol, and when we were in Chinatown and you thanked everyone who offered you something, while everyone else just ignored them) and I remember how you gave me the boost I needed to try to start trying to publish my work (you encouraged me to enter arts and letters that year, I lost but it was still a good experience and one that I needed). You haven't been forgotten.
I love feeling small sometimes--makes me feel like I don't have to have all the answers, that maybe someone else has them for a while. I think people who never feel small aren't much fun to be around--maybe it's those great big egos ...
ReplyDeleteThank you Samantha. For a second I didn't see the name Samantha and was wondering why Tim thought we went to New York with me.
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